Four Things I Learned on My 2010 Caribbean Cruise

Okay, I'm bad at posting tales of my travels, there is so much to say, and I find it daunting, but I decided I would try to get the ball rolling tonight.

Four Things I Learned on my 2010 Caribbean Cruise:

1- Be happy with what you have.

Somebody, I forget who, said that most of these islands are considered third world, and I suppose it was varified by some of the homes, annual incomes, and just general living conditions that we learned about the people on these islands. Yet, despite how these islanders lived, in comparison to the lives we are used to, these people are a typically happy bunch of people. Everyone seemed to be proud of their island, their island was the best Caribbean island in their eyes, and they think they live in paradise, despite not having many luxuries we have.

I come home, and I and meet with foul weather, less than ideal issues at work, as well as drama, and a laundry list of things I want to change in/about my life. Wow, what's my problem? Don't get me wrong, I do use my blog to vent things, but I'm really a pretty happy person. So why is it then, that I can't appreciate the fact that Utah gets to go through all 4 seasons, even though some seem longer than others, and some bring a few more trials, but not everyone gets that experience. Don't get me wrong about my job either, I'm happy to have one, even though it is sometimes draining, so why not appreciate it all the time? I'm healthy, my needs are met, and I have great family and friends, so why don't I think I live in paradise?

2- Be Patient, and Expect the Expectable, and Un-expectable

Similar to the reasons in number one, the overall attitude of the people in the Caribbean, these islanders are considerably patient. I'm sure part of it is the laid back way of life, and that tourists are their livelihood, so they are out in the fresh air all the time, but they still have their stressors. When I was in China a couple of years ago, I was terrified by their traffic and the overall driving experience there. I was glad I was on a bus, and I just had to try not to look at the near collisions happening all around me in order to not feel anxious about it. I swore, I could never be persuaded by money or any other means to ever personally drive a vehicle in China.

Well, it would probably not be much easier to get me to drive on some of the roads in the Caribbean, they are a little scary too, but I noticed something different there. Yes, in China there is honking and maybe even some road rage, and it seemed a lack of patience on the part of many drivers, but in the Caribbean, the drivers seemed to expect other drivers to do dumb things, and it didn't bother them. Our taxi would be cut off by some other, non-signaling, non-caring driver, and the driver of the cab would slow, but barely flinch at the poor driving etiquette and disobedience of the laws, it was as if they knew the driver was going to do it in advance, and they were prepared. I never really heard mumbling under ones breath, or saw rude gestures, they just calmly adjusted to fit the situation.

So what's my problem? I yell at foolish drivers, even if they can't hear me. I occasionally stare a driver down as I pass to let them know I think what they just did was rotten. I allow myself to get bothered by the inappropriate behaviors of people both on the road and off. I need to take a lesson and just slow down, chill, and expect that things will happen, so be ready to adjust to fit the situation.

3- Live Every Day Like a Vacation

Now, I don't think that I should never have work, or never be responsible, but on my trip, I enjoyed myself and basked in each day. I knew my vacation wasn't going to last forever, so I tried to savor every moment, and soak up the day. When I am home, I find myself wishing time away as I wait to leave work, or look forward to some specific place in time I want to be, and I don't live in the moment enough. It's time for me to see what I have in every moment of the day, and stop wishing my life away. I need to live like this won't last forever, and like any given day is one in a handful of final days.

4- Vacation From a Good Habit, is the Birth of a Bad Habit

I told myself that I could do whatever I wanted to do on my vacation, and I should enjoy it because it was my time to let loose... true, and not so true. I wish that I had only loosened the reins on my healthy eating a little. I didn't want to let myself miss out on new and exciting things to eat because I was trying to stick to strict eating habits, but I went a little too far and threw healthy out the window, and it's been hard reviving it in many ways.

I didn't workout like I do at home, but I did get exercise everyday in various forms (always taking the stairs, hikes, swimming, and lots of walking), and I think I was okay in that respect, but I am finding it hard to get back into the swing of things. I find this to be true, really, with all things. If I miss reading my scriptures once, it turns into twice, and then before I know it, I haven't read them for multiple weeks or months. I am so glad that I was wise enough to maintain at least that one good habit while I was on vacation.

Well, I guess that's it, tune in next time, for the first episode of "High Times, on the High Seas."

Observations of The Opposite Sex

Okay, I should be in bed right now, but I've been thinking about this for some time, and I decided that I want to finally get it all out in words before I go to bed tonight.

Now, I predict that some of the points that I will be making won't sit well with others (I'm too picky, I'm too this and that, blah, blah, blah), just remember 2 thing; 1- I am entitled to my own opinion, and 2- this is about observations, I have not done a full on study with charts and graphs, it's simply and series of events over many years that have lead to the following conclusions.

As you all know, I am LDS. I was raised LDS, I believe the teachings of the LDS church, and I do my best to live my life the way I should based on those beliefs. I feel that I am a good, upstanding person, with high morals, and a fairly good head on my shoulders. While I am always striving to improve both my mind and my physical health, I am not perfect, but I think that I am a decent catch by most standards. I am not conceited, I just have learned to accept myself and try to see the good in myself, and I don't think I'm half bad.

That being said, when and if I get married, I fully intend to do so with an LDS man, whom I love, in an LDS temple. My point? Well, I do not date very much. When I do get asked out, it is 90% of the time, by and guy who is not LDS, or extremely inactive LDS (like the, baptized at 8 and never went to church again after that because their family wasn't active, kind of inactive), and the other 10% of the time, it's by LDS guys who are creepy, weird, or, yes, I'm sorry to say it, mentally handicapped (literally).

My conclusions? Well, remember, I'm simply acknowledging the truth that the evidences leads me to believe, but LDS guys, are losers. Wait, wait, wait! Calm yourselves down, I do intend to offer further explanation.

Observation #1: LDS guys have... let me clarify, non-creepy, non-weird, non-mentally handicapped, LDS guys, have developed a sense of superiority in their minds as far as what they believe women want (even though LDS guys are a dime a dozen in Utah), and they think that they are so amazing, that they deserve to have only THE MOST beautiful woman they can find on their arm. It's true, trust me. Unless you look like a supermodel, or pretty dang close, you get passed up by "eligible" LDS men in... at least in Utah.

Observation #2: LDS guys think that, again, they are so wanted and superior, that the women will come after them. Again, trust me on this one, it's true. Now I realize that I am old fashioned, and I believe that guys should do the asking out and the initial perusing in the relationship, but I've found, many women still feel this way, not just me. The guys in my ward have made it clear that they think girls should ask them out. My Bishop once asked the guys in our ward to raise their hands if they felt the girls should be actively involved in asking the guys out, and a large majority raised their hands. I think they just don't want to do the work, and think they are important enough that the women should come after them.

Observation #3: Mormon guys take for granted what they have in Mormon women. Mormon guys get used to dating "good girls" who have high standards and live their lives a certain way, and by the time they become adults, they are bored with "good girls" and they seek out the "bad girls". Many non-Mormon guys chased "bad girls" at a young age, and as they mature, they grow tired of it, and they seek out more wholesome women. I also think for that same reason (taking things for granted), many Mormon guys don't know how to treat women, they are not gentlemanly, they assume whatever they do will be okay, because they are a catch and if the ladies want to keep such a great catch, they will deal with what ever he throws their way, AND they actually seek out a lot more physical intimacy and at a earlier point in the relationship.

NOW, I'm not saying that only Mormon women are wholesome, or even that ALL Mormon women are wholesome, because that is CLEARLY not the case. I know many non-Mormon women with amazing standards and are very good people, and I know mayn Mormon women who are not so wholesome, and live crazy lives. I'm just trying to make a point, and talking about all categories of women complicates my point and takes too long, I'm trying to make this semi-brief. SO, please understand, I'm not trying to say Mormons are the only good people or anything even close to that... really I could have talked about the problems women have with guys in general, but then that changes what I'm trying to say specifically about Mormon guys, and THAT is the only reason for the specific use of Mormons for this entire rant I am going on. I am Mormon, and it relates specifically to me, and that is why I'm writing this, it's about me, not ALL women. OKAY!?

ALSO, I'm mostly talking about single guys here, clearly and naturally, the good ones marry off quick because they aren't idiots, and they treat women right, and they find a marriage worthy girl and hang on to her, like any smart man would. Really, there is a reason these guys are still single.

Observation #4: The older a Mormon guy gets without being married, the weirder he gets. Seriously! That's why I'm thinking that at my age, I've past the prime marrying time, unless I want to marry younger, because 30 seems to be the the onset of some of the worst weird qualities, and it worsens from there.

On my cruise, I went with 10 other ladies, and one night we were sitting around our dining table sort of chatting about dating, and we learn that no one at that table dates much. I looked around me, and it about made my head spin. There I sat, surrounded by 10 other women, who were not only beautiful on the outside, but also on the inside. Each of these women would be an amazing catch, and yet not one of them is even being highly sought after. What is wrong here people!?

So what is a girl to do? Well... I don't know about the rest of you in my shoes... but not only are non-Mormon guys (non-creepy/weird/handicapped, non-Mormon guys... with a few exceptions) the ONLY ones that ask me out, but they seriously treat me so well! But I still won't marry outside my religion or the temple, so basically, I've accepted that I'm not getting married. No seriously, I've resigned myself to that fact. I'm just going to spend the rest of my life date various non-Mormon guys without getting married. I don't need sex, and when they decide they do, they can move on. :) I will just continue to spend my money and time on me, and work to make myself the best woman I can so that when I die, maybe I'll get one of those 2,000 stripling warriors. ;)

Granted, these truths may only be truths in this fair state of ours, BUT since this is my home, then this is what I deal with, because I'm here, not there.

Anyway, so if you have ever wondered why I'm single, there it is, in black and white. If you've ever wondered when I'll get married, the answer is, when i die. :)

Thank you and goodnight! :)

The Story of Garry

This morning, I was was informed of some very sad news, and that was of the passing of a friend of mine. I decided I wanted to write my story about him down, since details are already beginning to fade. I don't even expect people to read this blog, I'm mostly writing it for me. If you do choose to read it, be warned, it will probably be long, as well as religious to some extent, so if you aren't religious, deal with it, or don't read it. XOXOX :)

June 2004
I was 21, not yet 22. I was big into instant messenger at the time, and I would chat away with my friends on the computer. One day I added (so I thought) the email address of someone I wanted to IM with, and logged out for the day. A couple of days later, this person was online and began to talk to me. Very quickly I realized that it was not who I thought I had added, and I apologized for the mistake. He informed me that he didn't mind and began to ask questions to get to know me, and I returned the inquiries. I learned that his name was Garry, he lived in Minnesota, and he was 24 and had a son. We continue to chat, and the next thing I know, it has grown late.

We talk again a few days later, and again we chat about everything. Eventually, as we talked the subject of religion came up, and he informed me that he had never heard of Mormons. He began to inquire about my religion, and the next thing you know, again, we are up into the late hours of the night, and I'm sending him pictures of some temples, his favorite being the Salt Lake temple. He asks me questions about the temple, and temple marriage, as well as what I expect in marriage when I one day did get married.

At some point in the month, we exchange phone numbers, since we aren't always able to catch each other online, and he calls me for the first time on July 3rd. I remember the day because I remember that it was a year that the 4th fell on a Sunday, and I had been on a date that day that had ended just before he called me, and I sat in my house talking to him as I listened to the fireworks go off somewhere outside. We talked for hours, till my phone died, and after that, talking on the phone was the only way we talked.

Months pass, and we get to know each other pretty well. Garry is nothing but nice to me and pays me compliments freely. We talk about everything under the sun, and just thoroughly enjoy talking to each other. Soon our conversations become fewer and far between as we both get busy with life, but our conversations are still rather lengthy when we do talk. Then October 2005, Our family goes to Logan to visit my sister for her birthday, and as we are coming out of the restaurant Garry calls. The conversation is cut short when his phone dies, but suddenly he is very much on my mind. I drove myself up to Logan alone that night, so on my way home my thoughts are turned to missionary work. All I can think of is how I need to be a missionary. I feel overwhelmed and near tears when I get home, so I just go to bed, but I didn't sleep well that night, I tossed and turned.

The following Sunday was fast Sunday, since the last had been conference. I was sitting in the chapel at church listening to the testimonies being born. I remember that my bishops wife got up to bare her testimony, and I was struck again. I don't even remember if it was something that she said, or what, but the thought came to me "Send Garry a Book of Mormon." A wave of butterflies washed over me at the thought, and I became very nervous. I was afraid to send him a Book of Mormon. I was afraid to share something so important to me with someone who may or may not reject it. I was pretty sure I knew him well enough that he wouldn't be offended by it, and I didn't feel he would ridicule my beliefs either, but I was afraid nonetheless. Finally I asked myself, "What do you have to lose?" If he does reject it, and it makes things awkward and you are not able to talk to each other the way we once did, then I'll live. It's been a few months since we've really talk anyway, and I haven't known him so long, or even in person, that it would alter my life significantly if it did change our friendship for the worst. So, I set about figuring out what I was going to do.

I didn't want to ask Garry for his address, I was afraid to do that, I didn't want him to know I was sending him anything, I just wanted him to get it. So I searched him out on the internet, and eventually found him, but had to pay a little money to the web site to get them to give me his address, so I did it.

It took me some time to get his address and work everything else out, so a couple weeks had passed. I bought both a Book or Mormon and a D&C, I bought him 1 or 2 short little church videos, and I threw in a letter from me with my testimony, and a copy of the Proclamation to the family, as well as a pass along card in case he wanted to contact any missionaries. I nervously sent the package, and the waited, VERY anxiously.

One day, about a week later, I was getting ready for work, I was noticing how close we were coming to Garry's birthday, and I started to wonder what was taking him so long. "Please!" I begged in my mind, "Just respond! Say something to me, I'm going crazy!" then my phone vibrated to signal I had received a text. I opened my phone to see Garry's name and I began to get nervous. I wanted a response, and here it was, but what if it was a bad one? I was afraid to open the text, but I did.

"Thank you for the package. I really like the book."

Joy and disbelief seized my body and I began to shake. I text something back, and I was responded to with a phone call. I talked to him as long as I could, but I had to go to work so he said he would call me that night. All day I was a mess, anxious to talk to my friend. That night he called me and we talked for some time. He told me that he first started flipping through the Book of Mormon reading the things I had highlighted, then the just started reading at the spot in the book where he was open to, he read the last two books in the Book of Mormon, and then moved to the first of the book and read all the way through. We talked about things some, but the conversation was not as long as I hoped, and we said goodnight. At some point, I was talking about him to my mom and sister, and my sister informed me that she had a friend serving a mission in Minnesota. She promptly wrote her friend and gave him Garry's information, and that was it, nothing happened.

Again, the conversations were few and far between, but we did talk some. Nothing religious was brought up again, he didn't talk about it, and I was afraid to bring it up because I didn't want that to seem to be the reason I wanted to talk to him, because it wasn't, I was just happy to get to talk to him. Then April 2006. It was the Saturday before Easter. I was fast asleep when a call came into my phone and woke me up. I knew the only person who ever called me in the middle of the night was Garry, so I reached over, grabbed my phone, and gave a groggy "hello".

"Hello Beautiful!" I was met with his cheerful voice, heavy with his Minnesota accent. I greeted him back and soon he was talking like crazy. I noted in my mind the difference in him. Normally he was just very calm and not super emotional... not that he was ever grumpy or depressed, but he just didn't show much emotion in his voice, and often I found myself being the one to move the conversation along when he made a late night phone call, despite him being the one who always made the call. After some time talking on the phone, I finally address his exceptionally cheery mood. He laughed... something I'd never heard from him before... normally he just would inform me that despite his silence, he was indeed smiling, laughing was just not something he readily did. I even once begged him to laugh for me, but he would not comply, he simply had a smile to his tone of voice and said he didn't laugh. That night was different though, that night he did laugh, and I was filled with delight at the sound.

"So did you send those guys to my house?"
"What?"
"Did you send those guys to my house?"
"What guys?"
"The two missionaries from the church of the Mormon's?"
"What?"
(Garry laughs)
"I was outside, and two missionaries from your church came up to me. I was confused at first, but then when they said your name, so I started talking to them."
"You've been talking to the missionaries?"
(Garry laughs)
"Yes, and I've gone to church too."
"Really? Since when?"
"I've gone a few times."
(Garry laughs)

I was so shocked! I stayed up all night talking to him again, too wide awake now to ever go to sleep. He told me about how nice everyone was, and how he loved to hear the things that they had to say at church.

Once again, the conversation ended and it was sometime before we talked again. I spent a few late nights talking to him and his cousin on the phone, and he even made an attempt to come to visit Utah, but his fear of airplanes kept him landed. He was convinced he was going to die in a plane... how sad that sounds to me now.

Over the course of the next few years we began to talk less and less... soon it was a few text here, and a few text there.

"Just wanted to see how you are, beautiful." A text I received often from him over the time we knew each other, became the only thing I ever really got from him. I know we were very far apart, and living our own lives, but I was sad to see the once very alive friendship die off.

This week I got home from my trip, and went about my life as usual. I had made a vow with myself a few months back not to text Garry anymore unless he text my first, because it tended to make me sad when I got not response for a few days, or just a simple response. But I broke my own rule this last Saturday, and I sent him a text. As expected, I received no response. Then this morning, as I'm getting ready for work, I get a text. I am happy to see Garry's name flash across my phone's screen, and I click the message open. the first line states that the author is his girlfriend... 2 thought cross my mind, first; good for him, he's a good guy and deserves to be in a relationship, and second; great, is she mad to see another girl texting her boyfriend. Then my eyes move to the next part of the message. "I just thought you should know that Garry passed away." My heart sank, and my jaw dropped. I scrambled to send a reply back. "What!? How? When? That makes me so sad!" she responds back "April 11, he was hit by a car. Drunk driver." I gasp, and quickly send her a responds with my condolences to her and his family, and thank her for the information.

As tears stream down my face I quickly move to scour the internet for verifiable proof of this most disturbing news. To my dismay I see his name stretching across the top of an obituary accompanied by a picture with his smiling face. How can this be!? I had always believed that I would have the privilege of one day meeting this long distance friend of mine, and now I'm being forced to accept that it will never be a reality. Then my heart wrenches as I think of his poor son who just lost his father, and his family who lost a beloved son, brother, cousin, etc. How can this be true, pinch me!

All day long every conversation I have ever had with Garry has been running through my head, and I can't get past that feeling that it doesn't feel real, and I can't believe I will never get to talk to him again, or hear his endearing voice, or read another letter in his handwriting, a be greeted with another text from him addressing me "Beautiful."

I guess we just never plan to lose people in our lives who are young and healthy. We anticipate that elderly people in our lives will die before us, but when someone we thought would always be around is met with a untimely death, it's hard to accept it as reality.

I know that whatever pain he felt from the accident was over with when he died, and that he is safe from further harm or pain now, but my human and ever feeling heart is aching over the loss of my friend. I am however very glad that i decided to text him when I did, because had I not, I wouldn't have learned of his passing... I wold have probably eventually tried to call him, only to find the number was no longer in use or belong to someone new. I'm thankful to have been able to be informed and not go about my life wondering whatever became of my friend.

Goodbye, Garry! You are my friend and I love you and will miss you.

**************************************
I was reading over some messages from Garry I had saved to my phone from over the years, and I felt like adding a couple here, again, for my own sake.

"U wanna know sumthing, I really love u, u r so kind, loving, funny, u just make my heart smile every time we talk."

"Wanna hear sumthing weird, I think about u all the time, aint that sumthing..."

"Lucky girl, U found a guy that likes you for you, and not just your looks, they are just a bonus!"

"Good morning! Hows my hot, sexy, irresistible girl doing this morning?"

"By the way, I would dance with you." This was in response to some conversation we had had the night before... it made me smile.

"We are meant for each other maybe."

"I want u to have feelings for me, cuz I have them 4 u."

"She can't be, it's not possible, cuz you're the most beautiful girl ever."

Oh! What a Casanova! He was always trying to woo me. *Sigh*

Coming Soon...

Have no fear, all the lovely details about my most recent voyage will be posted shortly, I simply must find the time. :)