I Realize I'm a Mean Person, But I Always Have Been, It's Nothing New.

Okay, so while I should maybe be finally telling you all about my cruise, I'm not, I'm venting, because I need a place to vent and this is it. This is another long one, it requires detail.

OKAY, first of all, I really, really do hate to date. I do! I first hate the awkwardness of it, and then I hate that without fail, either, he's a manorless fool, or he likes me and I'm not interested.(I know, heaven forbid I like someone, but such is my lot in life). SO, I really do try to avoid dating if I can. Every now and then I get asked out by someone I mistakenly think I can go out with and have fun, and when/if the inevitable happens, they won't hate my guts.... like I said, mistake.

For those of you who do not know, I do indeed have a Facebook account. Now I beg of you not go try to find this poor fool, I really have nothing against him personally, but you will see my dimela.

Lots of people I have gone to school with have sent my invitations to be their freinds on FB. I typically accept the invitation, and it was no differt for (let's call him Milton to protect the innocent) Milton. A few weeks, maybe months later I happen to jump on FB real quick before work, and the contemptible messenger informs this dear soul that I am online, so he begins to talk to me. Eventually he tries to ask me out. Now, I realize that it takes some courage to ask someone out (but ask me out on Facebook and I don't care who you are, there is absolutly no class involved), but I am not one to feign any similitude of interest when none exists, so I thought long and hard about how to respond.

Now, I thought the easiest thing would be to tell him I was dating someone, but that would make me a liar. Then I thought, well, I could either say I'm a lesbian or I'm schedueling my terminal illness to take me later this evening... but again, both lies. I thought about how guys claim, "Just be honest with us, we want the truth, don't lie about why you are saying 'no'!" So I thought, well, at least no one can fault me for not being honest, or not handeling this the way guys think we should. So, I tried honesty.

"You know, I'll be honest, I'm just not interested, and I don't want to lead you on and pretend I am when I'm not. I'm sorry, but I don't think we should go out." There, I said it, I was nice, I told him I didn't want to lead him on, who can hate me for that, and I'm not going to Hell. :) Dead wrong! He gets mad. "How can you say you aren't intested, you haven't even seen me for 8 years. Why don't you give me a chance?" On and on.... "Look!" I said, "I could have lied and told you I was dating someone just to end the conversation, but I tried to be honest and you are getting mad. I'm sorry, I'm not interested, and I really have to go to work now." Oh, but it doesn't end there, no he's not done. "Oh really, where do you work?" NOPE! I'm so not telling him, I DO NOT need him coming into my work. "In Layton, gg, bye!" Log out!

Needless to say, I made sure my messenger would never do that to me again, it's perminently in the off position.

But again, our story does not end there. A couple weeks later, he leaves me a message on my wall and asks where I work again, I chose not to answer. Then, a couple of weeeks ago the poor sap leaves me a message on my wall again. It was harmless enough, "Hi how are you doing?" So I suck up my doubts and all my witchy tendencies, and I comment back, "I'm good thanks." BUT I'm wise enough to know better than to return the inquiry, "How are you?", because that will only lead to bad things. WELL, it turns out, it doesn't take much provoking. "We should hang out sometimes." Hang out: code for , I'm too scared to say date, and I want to make it look like It's casual, so I say 'hang out' to lure you in. But I was not lured... I debated deleting his comment or ignoring it, and I decided ignoring was less mean, so I ignored and never responded to it.

Oh but that little rascal, Milton, does not give up, no, he sure doesn't, and that is why I'm here ranting to you today.

I really need to start listening to my instincts more. I ignore the thoughts and what I thought COULD happen, DOES happen. Last night I went to see the movie "The Proposal" with a bunch of my friends. It was a cute and funny movie, and I really liked it. It had that little "Aw!" factor that made you swoon at the leading man. So when I got home last night, I checked email and FB, and I wrote (against my better judgement based on Milton's possible actions);

"Audrey Spencer thinks that The Proposal is so funny and so cute! Almost makes her wish she was in love... then she remembers that in the real world, that would require dating, and then she remembers she HATES dating, and could be okay with being single forever if it meant not having to date. :)"

I thought, well, that's obvious enough to make one think, "She shot me down, once, maybe twice now, perhaps that, if for no other reason, would be a good reason not to ask her out again."

Wouldn't you think? I think so. But maybe I'm the slow one here.

So, once again, I was... that's right, WRONG!

I get an email message on FB this morning from him; "Want to date me?"

NO! NO, NO, NO!! Why is this so hard!? I'm trying to be nice, I'm trying to be honest, I can't make myself clear to him! I really don't want to resort to meanness, and I think that deleting him as a friend qualifies for meanness, but I'm not seeing any other options.

I don't know what to do next, BUT lesson to be learned here, just lie. We all will lie someday, it might as well be for a worthy cause like sparing someones feelings.... and your own sanity.

And if one person tells me to just go out with him, you will be counted as an enemy, forthwith and forever. It's even more clear now than when I first said no, that no was the right answer. He won't give up without a date, he'd be a scourge with a date. YIKES!