I'm watching Wonderfalls, and I don't really like it, in fact, I don't recommend it, but it's like a train wreck, I can't make myself turn away... Perhaps I'm hoping it will somehow improve as time passes, but I feel there is a reason in only lasted one season...
In any event, it is only serving, at this point, to deepen my growing despair over my current situation in life. I feel for the main character in this show. She is a college grad working a stupid retail job, and is basically stuck in a rut while the lives of those around her continue to blossom and hold meaning... I would only be so lucky to have inanimate objects talking to me, it would liven things up.
WHAT AM I DOING IN LIFE? I'm so utterly and completely LAME! I have a stink hole job, and I can't find a better one to save my life. I have no circumstances worth mentioning in the work aspect of me life... or pretty much in any other aspect of life either, if we get down to it.
I have friends, but somehow never see them. I'm tired when I get home from work, and as the year draws once again on fall and eventually winter (vomits in mouth and chokes it back down), and the days shorten, my desire to go out after work in the ever darkening evening is diminished exponentially. I have no ward to call home anymore, I'm not part of my South Weber ward anymore, due to boundaries being strictly enforced, and I don't feel like my new singles ward is where I should be. My only other option for church right now is a conventional/ "Family" ward, and I would really prefer not to go there either, I'll no doubt serve another sentence in the nursery there, and I'd really rather not. I have no guys in my life to make things even remotely exciting, and I am fighting against reality as it pulls me ever closer to 30, with nothing to show for it.
I'm in THE biggest life rut known to man at this point in time. I feel nothing but despondency when I look around me. My life is in ruins. It's depressing to think I'll be stuck at Big Lots the rest of my life... All 70 years that are left of it... (melts into a desperate puddle of pathedicness and and seep into the fibers of the mattress for a good, solid 5 minutes before recovering), I'm a little fatty with no social life and the energy of a 87 year old arthritic woman, the love life of leper, and the same place in the world that Frankenstein held... that of a nomad and a loser who is shunned by society and forced to roam from place to place looking for a niche the right size to squeeze into and rest for the remainder of ones life... which is becoming increasingly shorter as the long and dreary days of pointless existence take their toll...
Someone, PLEASE make the madness stop! I'm 2 seconds from running away and joining a traveling band of carnies just to mix things up and make things different from the eternal SAMENESS I am destined to endure!
You poor gal, Audrey! You know, it's interesting, though, because while you view other's lives as interesting and blossoming, they view your life as exciting and adventurous! I mean, take me for example. I do the same mundane things over and over and over again everyday. Trust me, it gets old. I am always so envious that you get to travel to Hawaii and go on cruises and go to Europe. That is a lot to show for in your life. I don't have that. I have cleaning up blue marker off the floor/ tv/ chair/ bad toddler to look forward to each day. Your life is looking pretty good right now, right?! :) I know, we all get into ruts but something will come along to shake things up. Maybe you need a vacation to visit your ol' pal, Tim!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry :( BOO! I hate the feeling of being stuck and trying to get out but no progress. Seriously, give online dating another try. It'll give you something to do. Something different to think about and maybe get excited about.
ReplyDeleteAUDREY. I am just about to call you. But I have to say, there is something so wonderful about a person when they can express their true feelings in such a readable way - I want to give you a hug, go out to a crazy cheezy dance movie with you, eat a cheesecake with you and laugh all night long. I'm moving to clearfield and we are going to be closer friends. xo
ReplyDeleteI am sorry Audrey. I never knew you felt like that. I feel the same way Kim does, and think your life is fun and exciting. But I understand why you are frustrated and depressed. But you are doing everything right in your life,and you will be blessed with a new job and husband when it's your time. I know that is not comforting, but Heavenly Father loves you, He knows how you feel, and he wants you to be happy and he has a plan right now, and things will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteThank everyone. I guess I should say though, I'm not really depressed per se. I mean, I think the lack of a meaningful life is depressing to think about, so it CAN put me in a bad mood when I think about it, but I'm not depressed, I'm still happy and I'm totally looking forward to my trip in March, but I don't like that my trips are the only things I ever have to look forward to, I wish my regular life was fun in and of itself. You know?
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